all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
