Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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