the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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