Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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