You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
