i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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