There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
