wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
