Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
