Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
