porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
