please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I AM VODKA MAN
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
