I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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