Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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