That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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