I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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