I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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