apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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