i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize