Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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