It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
