She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize