could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
