thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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