I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
