Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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