trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
