Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
