Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
