apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if only i could text you this smell
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
