You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
