Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My vagina just recognized that song.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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