this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
