i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
