And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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