You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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