just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
