I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
