i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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