Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
