12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
