i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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