The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
