Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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