It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
