I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
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I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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