I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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