i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
