even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
