The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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