Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
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There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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