I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
