She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
