I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
