On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
