Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
