ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
