i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Congratulations! We have a period
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