literally had 100 drinks last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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