Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
