That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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