I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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