At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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