Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
